Yesterday I had an interesting experience in the doctor's office waiting room. I was in there far too long, but that's normal. There was a chatty woman in the room, so I decided to be polite and go along with her conversation. (This is unusual for me, I generally tend to avoid polite conversation in settings like this.) She was at the office with her daughter who I learned was 6 years old. The girl was quite a bit overweight and her mom kept commenting on that. "I wish she'd look more like your little skinny thing," and other comments like that. during the time we were waiting the mother proceeded to nag her about being clumsy, stupid, fat, and obnoxious. She said "Why can't you read yet? You are 6 years old! Why do I even send you to that school anyway?" And, "You know you're clumsy, get away from those books before you screw up something else!"
This girl was sweet as can be to my girls and very polite to me and the other people in the room. I tried to say some nice things to her because I wasn't sure when the next time was that she'd hear something nice coming her direction.
As I proceeded through the (2 hour!) doctor's visit my girls began to get restless and cranky. I generally, in this situation would get short with them and give time-outs, etc. But yesterday, I just loved them more. My children won't be treated like that girl in the waiting room. I won't let that happen! They need to know that they are loved. I am their mother and they deserve to see that love from me all of the time!
This experience has really made me stop and think before I react to my kids. I just picture the fallen look on that girl's face when she couldn't do anything to please her mom. I don't need to be so hard on my 3 year old. She's 3. And she's just trying to grow into herself. AND, my baby doesn't know that it's dangerous to play in the toilet, so I really shouldn't yell when she tries to do that. More praise, less criticism. I know in my heart that that works, but sometimes it's easier to do it the other way around. For now, I have that little reminder to do it the right way. I hope it sticks.
8 comments:
What a sad situation. I wish I could say that I've never heard anything like it, but it's becoming more and more common. It makes me so grateful for the gospel and our perspective on children and life. And I'm very thankful for wonderful mothers like you who are such great examples!
I just want to hug that little girl. I guess I'll go hug my kids instead.
Sarah, you might be interested in what I posted this week on repentance. (Don't take that wrong; it really does apply to the correct way you handled the situation.)
Anyway, great reminder that our kids will get beaten up by life enough; they don't need to have us pile on.
Thanks for this post, I really am going to make a better effort this week to not lose it with my kids.
Wow, thanks for the insight. I agree. J is four. I sometimes have a hard time remembering that, and I will now take a step back and think before I react. Thanks Sarah.
It makes you realize why people are messed up - because their parents were messed up and said crazy things like that to them. Love those babies, Sarah. Thanks for the post :)
Experiences like this are what help us in the long run to treat our kids as we should... Thanks for the reminder of how our words and actions affect our kids and others.
Sometimes - you wish that there was a camera taping things like this so that you could play it back to the woman and show her how she sounds and do a close-up on the little girl to see how it affects her.
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