I Am...

First, a disclaimer. This is totally for me, it is my own thing and thoughts I have been having lately, I don't want anyone to feel like they have to read or comment on this. I write here because I stink at keeping a journal, so this is where I'm going to put this down.

I was reading the March Ensign the other day and I read "I Am The Way" by David A. Edwards. I'll admit, I started reading it because it was short, and it looked simple, and it was broken down into little chunks that were completely manageable to me. I really enjoyed reading this article, and it helped me think about some things. In the article, it goes through several of the "I Am" statements that the Savior uses during His ministry. (Like I am the bread of life, the vine, the good shepherd, etc.) It explains each of those statements in a little bit of detail. It was interesting to have all of them chunked together. I knew that Jesus often spoke that way, but I didn't realize how often he would share things starting with those two words. I AM...

It occurred to me that He never said "I am not capable" or "I am not loved" which are things that I know people often feel. Even if He felt that way, he was wise enough and understood the Father's plan enough to look past those things. "I am the light of the world" he would say...not "I'm not good enough today" So, all of His "I Am" s were positive. Are mine?

Also, He shared with people what He is. Do I do that? He was willing to share himself with the world. I know there were private things in His life, but He was so willing to BE, and share that with me, and everyone that has ever lived on the planet.

What do I think "I am?" I know it is not always positive. I'd like to think more positively. Here's a short list to help me keep things positive and in perspective.
I am:

• A daughter of God
• A daughter of my parents
• A wife
• A mother
• A teacher
• A musician
• A friend
• A helper
• A listener
• A sharer

This is what I say that I am. The article was followed by a page of testimonies titled "Whom say ye that I am?" I like that idea too. Christ asked other people to think about what He is to them. People always have perceptions about others around them. I have an affect on the things they might think about me. (I know I don't have total control, but I can make a difference.) I want to live my life in a way that when I find out what others "say that I am" it is a positive thing. I want to represent the Church well to my neighbors, I want to represent my family well to those I come in contact with. I want to be a positive influence in the lives of the primary kids I work with. There are so many things that go into what "I AM."

Really, I have been thinking about this idea a lot. I just had to get some of it out of my head. There's not enough space there for everything that's going on!

I'd have never guessed it

I never thought that my sweet little girls would become fans of Star Wars. But with my husband, I should have known. He introduced Connor to it early, and she has recently decided that it is very cool.

Scott made Princess Leia hair for her, and she made the gold dress on her own.
Here she's shooting her guns, because "No Mom, Princess Leia doesn't have a light saber" silly me!
Last week they made their own light saber and watched Episode 3. It's her favorite. Because "my favorite Star Wars guys are Darth Vader and Yoda." (She has a poster of Yoda on her wall...some girls have flowers and hearts...not mine)

I'm surprised at how much she picks up from the movies, it's almost scary. She explained to me the other day that "Anakin becomes Darth Vader after Obi Wan Kenobe cuts off his arms and legs and he gets burned up, then the Emperor gets him his Darth Vader suit, and it's really cool." Really, what three year old little girl talks like that??
Darth Connor
Emily had to get in on the action too.

Funny Connor

So, I'm a little tired and grumpy this afternoon, but Connor just made my day. I went into the kitchen where my husband was doing the dinner dishes. I needed a hug, so he gave me one and kissed me on the cheek after which I heard "Awwwww, not in the hallway!!!" and "Don't do that in the kitchen either!!!" Apparently Connor doesn't approve of public displays of affection today. She has been particularly cute and funny the past few days, I'll post some pictures soon.

Enrichment

OK, so you know I'm not thrilled about Enrichment from my 100 things post. However, I am excited about my new project for the calling. We've decided to have a blog that updates the women in the ward on what is happening with the many groups we have. I am looking for ideas and comments on how to make it better, more user friendly, etc. So, if you want to, check out the Fairfield Ward Enrichment Groups page. If you don't want to, don't! I'm not stressed about it at all, I just want to make it the best it can be for those who want to use it.

P.S. if you have any great singing time ideas, I'm running low! I feel like I've barely started and I'm already repeating things. Yikes!

The Finisher

I think that every family must have one, and in my family I am it...the finisher. I finish boxes of cereal, crackers, bags of pretzels and chips, jugs of milk, juice, and water, jars of jam and applesauce. Sometimes I wonder if I eat anything besides the dregs of boxes, bags, jugs and jars. I know that it is me in my family because Scott is a "leaver." He leaves 4 Cheezits in the bottom of the box instead of finishing them or just tossing the box. Even better, 1/4 of a bowl of cereal left...does he eat it? NO! Out comes a new box.

I wonder if I have always had this quality? I think I have been the finisher in my family for possibly my whole life. I realized this when we were snowed in at my parents place over the weekend. I finished 3 boxes of cereal. Not because I was starving and devouring whole boxes, or even because I liked the cereal that was open...but because more boxes were being opened.

I suppose it comes from not wanting to waste things...but really. I'm pathetic. I'll mix Life and Froot-Loops to get a whole bowl before opening another box. Usually I don't care, but lately I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick. I mean, if someone else (eh-em) would just take the last little bit of water from the jug and refill it, I wouldn't have that job!

Anyway, I'm just venting a bit and wondering if there are any other finishers out there. Or is it just me?

My turn for 100 things

Some of you have been doing the "100 things about me" thing on your blog. I thought I'd try it. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. Consider yourself warned.

1. I have been thinking about doing this for days.
2. That probably won't make it any more interesting.
3. I feel like I have more friends now than I have EVER had in my life.
4. I sort of keep in touch with maybe one or two people from high school.
5. I have one friend from college that I talk with on the phone regularly and a few that I keep up with on facebook or blogger.
6. I am not very good at keeping in touch.
7. I wish I was better at that, I might have more friends that way.
8. My husband is way better at having good friends than I am.
9. I might have single-handedly (well with a little help) ruined one of his best friendships.
10. I feel really crappy about that on a regular basis.
11. My kids are kind of sick today.
12. That's the only reason I have time to do this!
13. I already scrubbed and mopped and vacuumed the kitchen and dining room, so I don't feel too guilty.
14. I try to do something "just because I feel like it" at least once a week, if I didn't, I'd go crazy!
15. Sometimes I sing in the shower.
16. I only do #15 when there is no other adult in the house.
17. Connor once came in to find out if I was OK when I was doing # 15.
18. That was really embarrassing, I'm glad she doesn't remember it.
19. I remember the strangest things.
20. I once asked a random lady to buy me paint balls at the store because I was too young (by a week) to buy them for myself.
21. I occasionally feel really crappy about having done that.
22. I am hungry ALL the time.
23. Connor keeps making statements that begin "when we have our new baby..." to which I reply, "we are not having a new baby!" to which she replies, "you need one in your belly!" To which I reply, "NO!"
24. The conversation usually ends in tears.
25. Hers, not mine.
26. There are lots of tears in my house. And drama to go along with them.
27. Connor is very much like Scott, and Emily seems to be a lot like me.
28. I love my babies even when they make me crazy.
29. They make me crazy at least once a day.
30. I don't like Enrichment meetings. (This has nothing to do with the content of enrichment meetings or the people in charge. This is one of those it's not you, it's me sort of things.)
31. I am on the Enrichment committee.
32. I am scared of planning boring Enrichment meetings.
33. I am a certified, licensed, elementary school teacher.
34. Some days I want to get a job as a teacher.
35. Most days I am really glad I don't have a job outside the home.
36. I used to feel guilty about not helping to earn money for our family.
37. I realized how much I "earn" by cooking from scratch, paying bills on time, smart shopping, and clipping coupons.
38. My husband needs me, and I need him.
39. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be married to someone famous (like Antonio Banderas, I think we would have gorgeous children!)
40. I am glad I'm married to Scott (We DO have gorgeous children!)
41. I love to cook and bake and decorate cakes.
42. I HATE choosing what will be for dinner.
43. I hate making major decisions too.
44. I don't like other people to make decisions either.
45. I love helping other people, but I'm never quite sure how to do it.
46. I don't like asking for help.
47. I have a favorite cook book.
48. I have only made one thing from that cookbook that was gross, and it wasn't my fault.
49. I dream of having a house.
50. I realize that that might not happen any time soon, but I like to think about it anyway.
51. I check my e-mail about 27 times a day.
52. I have a new e-mail about 1 time a day.
53. Sometimes that is depressing.
54. I love kids, my own and other people's.
55. I love teaching music in primary and Nursery.
56. It is really hard for me (despite popular belief.)
57. I like things to be perfect, and that makes me crazy sometimes.
58. I don't care if your house is a mess when I come over.
59. I do care if my house is a mess when you come over.
60. I'm trying to get over #59 because my house is always a mess.
61. I don't mind doing laundry or folding laundry, but I HATE putting it away when I'm done.
62. This is probably why there are frequently piles of clean folded clothes all around my house.
63. My kids often use these clean piles of clothes to build forts or play dress up, and I have to fold them again.
64. I have finished (after 3 years of off and on work) a quilt top.
65. It is not very good, but I am very proud of it.
66. I am not quite sure how to finish it, but I'll figure something out.
67. I like teaching myself to do things.
68. I have taught myself the flute, knitting, sewing, cooking, and much of my cake decorating.
69. I am not REALLY good at any of these things, though I wish I was.
70. I LOVE to make cards. and I am much better at it than I used to be...but I still would like to improve.
71. My grandma is the reason I feel like I have to write thank you notes for EVERYTHING.
72. I'm glad she's that way, otherwise I probably wouldn't write thank you notes.
73. If I forgot to write you a thank you note, I'm sorry.
74. I feel like I talk about myself too much (pretty funny in this context, huh?)
75. I go over past conversations in my head and kick myself for saying stupid things
76. I was a "mom" to my brother and sister for a while when I was a kid.
77. It's hard to get out of that role.
78. I worry about them every day.
79. I worry about lots of things, a lot.
80. I won a scholarship because I was in Wind Ensemble, Symphony Orchestra, Jazz band, Concert band, Choraliers, Mallet Ensemble, the school musical, and the president of Tri-M (a music honor society) my senior year of high school.
81. I was in show choir in Junior high.
82. I used to play with the Hamilton-Fairfield Symphony orchestra and get paid for it.
83. I wish I had a marimba, it's my favorite thing to play.
84. I don't have room or money for a marimba or time to practice.
85. I found a recording of me playing drum set from college the other day. It was actually pretty good! Maybe I should practice sometime.
86. I haven't played drums in about 4 years, but I still claim the drums as one of my instruments.
87. I once played drum set on the football field in front of a full stadium at BYU.
88. I felt really REALLY cool.
89. I still feel really REALLY cool because of that.
90. I used to want to be a dancer.
91. I still want to be one sometimes.
92. I can't touch my toes without bending my knees right now.
93. I sometimes do Yoga in my living room.
94. I LOVE DDR. If you know what it is, you'll understand.
95. If you want to play DDR, you can come over. I have it, and will play with you.
96. Sometimes Connor and I play while Emily is napping.
97. That is all the exercise I get, EVER.
98. I sometimes feel bad about that, but not today.
99. I didn't think I could do this.
100. I love feeling like people might actually read this and learn something about me...but I won't hold my breath!

p.s. I read a lot of other people's 100 things before I did my own. I didn't comment on them, but I appreciated your openness and willingness to share yourself with me. SO, that's why I did it myself. Thanks for being my friends!